Recently revealed interviews with famous inventors

In her latest New York Times column, Maureen Dowd had this to say in an interview with the Twitter co-founders: "I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari Desert, have honey poured over me and red ants eat out my eyes than open a Twitter account. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Of course, we know Dowd was trying to be achingly creative, rather than horribly, horribly offensive (or maybe she was trying to be both). But as it turns out, the Times columnist has asked similar, equally offensive questions to other prominent inventors in the past. A colleague and I dug up some old interviews by way of comparison (don't try to look them up yourself - you're not as good at Google as us):

Dowd interviewing Thomas Edison (inventor of the light bulb): "I would rather burn my face with something scaldingly hot than ever use this thing called a light bulb. Is there anything you can say to change my mind -- or did I just change my own mind?"

Dowd interviewing Christopher Columbus (15th-century explorer): "I would rather be scalped and violated by the scary dude from Last of the Mohicans than ever live in a land that kills Indians and uses Twitter. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing the Wright brothers (inventors of the airplane): "I would rather jump from the top of Everest without a parachute while a pigeon craps on my face the entire way down than ride in your flying demon bus. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing Jesus of Nazareth (Patriarch of Christianity and founder of wafer and wine industries): "I would rather be stripped, flogged, mocked and crucified than ever worship you. Is there anything you can do to change my mind - other than being stripped, flogged, mocked and crucified?"

Dowd interviewing Theodor Herzl (father of Zionism): "I would rather support a country called "Dowd Town" where witty, red-haired columnists who are "five drinks into the night" are deported to a land of constant strife and falafel. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing James Naismith (inventor of basketball): "I would rather play with George Muresan's balls (as in actual testicles) than ever touch a real basketball. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing Alexander Graham Bell (inventor of the telephone): "I would rather play with an iPhone App that only allows me to speed dial Vice and Hillary Clinton than put stress on my fingers by using a stupid rotary phone. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing Dean Kamen (inventor of the Segway): "I would rather drive a 1973
rusted Ford Pinto with one flat tire that bursts into flames while driving in downtown Washington DC than ride your nerd-loving vertical scooter for 5 minutes. Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"

Dowd interviewing Al Gore (inventor of the Internet): "I would rather read the dictionary while polishing my 1981 Encyclopedia Brittanica collection in the Library at Alexandria than be any part of a global network of computers that enables users to share information and log on to $%%# Twitter (%#%# twitter.com). Is there anything you can say to change my mind?"