Swine flu news you can use

If you're reading this, you're one of the few people left who doesn't have swine flu. This is because you either:

1) Avoid Mexico
2) Do not attend St. Francis Preparatory
3) Avoid pork/attract Jews (see ironic photo to the left)

The only place that his been hit worse than Mexico is the media, which seems to be unable to report on anything else. Drudge is having a field day and CNN will likely have an iReporter on this in no time.

As per the laws of the internet, despite this being a tragedy, this hysteria has led to several swine flu jokes:

• "Will there be a mass outbreak of Human/Avian Swine flu? When pigs fly."
• "The only known cure for Swine Flu has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment."

I apologize for that last one. In other smiting news, Mexico City has also suffered an earthquake, further challenging the city's residents.

My Jewish brethren, clever as always, have determined that the best way to avoid this disease is to not speak of it. Israel has decided to call this "Mexican flu" since ultra-religious leaders felt that even pronouncing pork would upset someone.

In honor of this cunning defense, below is a clip from Jimmy Kimmel regarding the Jets' response to the scheduling conflict with the Jewish holidays, which this blog covered.